Sixteen Candles, Can’t Hardly Wait, She’s All That, 17 Again and pretty much every other teen based movie will feature a few guarantees:

  • young love lost and found
  • the jock, the nerd and the loner
  • lame parents
  • an epic house party

Today, we will look at the 4th point – the epic house party.

Let it be said that not once in my life have I had the privilege of attending a house party as perfect as what Hollywood tells us a party should be.

A few examples, if I may:

1. I have never been to a house party with an amazing on-key super talented band that plays at a respectable volume so I can still have a somewhat decent yet awkward chat with a member of the opposite sex who is clearly way out of my league.

2. There have never been string lights suspended above a pool with a perfectly manicured backyard that you would only find in the West Hills of Hollywood, let alone the lame subdivision that I grew up in.

3. Always absent was an actual trained DJ. (Not that one kid from school that thinks that just because his brother once spun records in a cheesy night club it makes him a master of EDM.) I am talking a real DJ with a mic that somehow respectfully pumps up the crowd but not to the level where the cops show up and bust the party.

4. Never have I been to a party with chips in a bowl. Nope, is that too much to ask!? Not once in my high school or college days did I see a neatly placed bowl of chips or cheesies on a coffee table.

5. There was never a mirror ball. You know, the scene where the boy sees the girl across the living room, their eyes meet and the next thing you know, the soundtrack shifts to something perfect and a mirror ball shows up out of nowhere. Come on!

6. I definitely didn’t stumble upon a room with people having sex. In every movie, there is a point where the lead couple that is falling in love tries to escape the party for some privacy. They make their way upstairs and open the first door and boom – 2 or sometimes 3 people having sex! This has never happened, not once!

7. There was never a group of jocks, usually football players, hanging out around 5 – 10 kegs of beer! They are all rowdy and mean but they find enough love in their hearts to get the loner kid completely gonzo so he finds the courage to ask out the prettiest girl in school… and, of course, she says yes! This has never happened once in the history of our earth.

8. Never has that one older guy that has wonderful and caring eyes and is trying to hang on to his glory years not looked creepy attending the party of a younger crowd.

9. I have never been to a party with a perfectly orchestrated soundtrack! Every house party I have ever attended featured a lot of bad music! (Play more Cure!)

 

Oh and one more thing… notice how no one is ever hungover!

 

So either Hollywood has really deceived us or I need new friends!

House parties are fun but they are not that fun! Back in the late 90s when I was attending many of these parties, I always thought someday I could figure out a way to fix the music for my own house party and that is why we do the Saturday Night House Party on JACK 96.9.

Make sure you listen each Saturday night from 6 until 10. We go commercial-free and play only songs that the Hollywood version of a house party would play!

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Filed under: house party, Saturday