Look ma, I'm a lumberjack!
Look ma, I’m a lumberjack!

Ahoy mates! Galleon Windjammer, Minister of Rock here! Yesterday, Tara-Jean and Big Ginger led a crew of adventurers into Stanley Park to relive an idyllic childhood fantasy. What follows is our story.

2:15pm – Having met up with a group of interested JACK FM employees and like-minded listeners in a parking lot in Stanley Park, we made our way into the bush. Our mission? To build a fort! Experienced woodsman that I am, it took approximately 3 minutes for me to become separated from the group and tangled in a bunch of brambles.

2:22pm – After deciding to double back to where we began the hike, I found another listener who hadn’t been able to find the group when we had set off originally. With a little help from the booming voice of Big Ginger, we soon were able to reunite with the group.

2:31pm – We come to a fork in the road. After some deliberation, we decide to take a right.

2:37pm – It was a good choice. We soon found an area where the underbrush wasn’t as thick, and made our way off the beaten path.

2:41pm – After a time, we came to a suitable clearing that included some fortuitously placed fallen trees. We were now completely surrounded on all sides by the primeval wilderness of Stanley Park. The air was fresh, and carried the scent of true adventure!

2:43pm – Brian, one of our listeners, appeared to have some prior knowledge of fort-building. TJ appointed him foreman, and we began gathering up broken branches with which to construct our structure.

2:58pm – Using some line we brought, Brian and Big Ginger began lashing together a few logs to form the skeletal framework. Meanwhile the others gathered branches and greenery for insulation. Despite our initial fears, no one encountered any used condoms or hypodermic needles.

3:06pm – I had now been in the wilderness for all of 45 minutes and had lost all desire to ever again check my email.

3:34pm – The structure now complete, we began filling out the roof and walls.

3:52pm – I began to feel myself overcome with an instinctual need to hunt game for food.

4:11pm – We complete the fort! Luckily, before I’m finished sharpening a wooden stake with which to impale our dinner, Tara Jean brings out a container of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. White bread with the crusts cut off! My favourite!

4:25pm – Since city bylaws prevent us from constructing structures that might be used by homeless people, we have to take the fort apart and scatter the remnants. NOOOOOO!

4:48 – Dirty and exhilarated, our crew finds its way back to civilization before dark. The great outdoors had infused our spirits with joy and triumph! Despite being roughly 40 feet off the path, it felt as though we might as well have been a thousand miles from civilization. Afterall, where else can you be as free as when you’re in the middle of nowhere?

Alright, I’m ready for Spring now.